the turning episode of my dear life

numb, my heart is numb. it doesn't bleed nor pumping for joy. emotionless, no fear. the only caption that was playing in my mind when i walked out from that room is, 'yes, life is not a bed of roses, at least for me'. it is indeed proven to be true by the one once against my saying, but is apparently the one who actually proved me right. no blooming roses left for me to hope for. vowed to myself, no matter what, i'll be staying true to myself to manage all this. God has brought me this far, he won't abandoned me now..

love myself dearly, 9.23 am

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the clarification session had explained the situation. nothing can mend a broken heart, but leaving you puzzled in the dark do no justice to you either. after almost 3km sad walk around the park in the mid afternoon, some of the pressing questions were addressed, at least partially. though the good conversation we had, reflected an agreement in addresing the issue on top of the endless guilt for the situation, things happen for a reason, aka the driving factor or motivation. we are matured adult, admit to your mistake & be accountable to stand for it, be at every reason. what had happen cannot be erased, at the minimum taking a fresh step forward may bring a new faith in life. what i've discovered is nothing new, what i've discovered is of no surprise. what i learnt has always be an enriching life experience. at least, in my quest to improve my self. i'm grateful to be given the light to see things maturely and objectively. as i grow, i realised i'm wiser to think for an action, with all the consequences being weigh and thoroughly beigh thought of..

as always, love yourself dearly, 3.58 pm

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before sleep, had a long chat. nor grateful nor regret.. my heart soften despite the eternal question of why in the first place it happened. dilemma to know the full picture yet unprepared for the truth, i have nothing to loose with the consequences that may be pinning my life. i' m glad the resolution has been reached. i admit, i'm just being difficult to some extent, to exert my dissatisfaction and 'girl power' entertwined with my soft pity emotion. but, i find it self rewarding. forever in love with your true self, 12.10 am